This has torn away the fabric and foundation of life as we know it -shattered our entire family to the core. The words broken hearted come to mind, but in fact this is not even close to the way our family feels on so many levels. What has happened to William is wrong, so very wrong.
There is a huge gap of space, emptiness in our lives that we feel without him being with us. William was and always will be a bright shining light our family although we are not together. People noticed William before they noticed any of us and he seemed to be the whole attraction where ever we went. His personality simply captured and embraced you, you felt part of him immediately.
We find it hard to be a family of any normality without him with us every day. Not a day, an hour or a minute goes by without there being a reminder of him and the massive gap in our family we are forced to face and with not an answer in sight.
Our family was everything to me, it was everything our family lived for and now William, a core part of our family is missing. He looked for me everywhere we were and me for him. The bond both William and I shared was more than a father and child it was of soul. It makes me feel that I have not only lost him, but most of myself. I feel entirely shattered, emotionally exhausted, physically and mentally beaten and lost.
Nothing seems nor feels the same way since he has been gone. I feel guilty listening to music or having fun, to go out or catch up with friends when my family is not together. Work. Work is only a distraction, if that, and merely a means to an end financially in order to do what we have to, to survive. Photos of my family sit upon my desk which are constantly looking back at me and reminding me that our family is not the same.
It’s as if you wish it was or could have been someone else, but it wasn’t. This is a pure living nightmare. How could we be involved in this simply astonishing situation let alone still without an answer? How? It’s hard, so awfully hard. William’s sister continues to ask where her brother is and when he’ll be home. We’ve tried so hard to keep life as normal as possible for her, reminding her how loved and safe she is even though William is not here. She is such a joy to us and it’s heartbreaking to see her miss her little brother. They were like two peas in a pod.
I wish, I pray, I cry each night for him. I see other children and families with boys the same age and feel so ripped off, short changed, for him, his sister and my family and myself. I fear the worst but yet pray for something, anything. Someone knows something, someone always knows something.
As we try to go on with our lives, we pass others unsuspecting of us, not knowing who we are and what we are going through and try so so hard not to allow others to see, think or have any idea of what we continue you deal with every day, hour and minute of our current lives.
It is also awkward for our family and friends who feel so upset for all of us and William. And for those who have families and children of their own, this is so unbelievably confronting for them. If it could happen to us, it could happen to them.
Life just doesn’t feel nowhere near what it used to be. The happy go lucky outgoing person I used to be has changed; it has hit me hard, so very hard. I sit in your taxi or next to you on a plane. You make my coffee, my lunch, but you don’t know my pain. I present to you at a meeting, walk past you in the street, but you have no idea of the face I have on just to get through the day. I meet you, but touch no one. But he has touched us all.
Please don’t give up on our boy. Don’t give up on bringing William home. Never say never. Where there is a chance that someone might come forward, there is hope that we all have the chance to bring William home.